Smart
Sat 19 May 2007

Three wishes ... for the FA Cup Final

1. We want goals.

When do we want them? As early and as frequent as possible, please. Most people seem to be predicting a cautious and possibly dour affair with the prospect of it ending in a penalty shoot-out.

Lets hope not.

2. "Still Ricky Villa..."

If we are going to have goals, lets have a corker, the sort of goal that will make me spill my pint.

A memorable one, in the mould of the mazey Ricky Villa goal of '81. Or that goal by Steve McKenzie also of '81. Or Gerrard's amazing long shot from last year's cup Final.

3. No controversy.

No Drogba diving. No Rooney sending off. No Scholes being ginger. No handbags from Mourinho and Ferguson. No referee trying to make a name for himself. No Lampard sporting a 'goatie' beard. No pies for sale under £10.

I dont think we're asking for too much.

And then there's the three wishes of our old friend, Kedge, who goes for the following:

1. Man. Utd. not just to win, but to absolutely stuff Chelsea.

2. A really good-looking female streaker to run onto the pitch at half-time
and for the TV cameras to zoom in on her.

3. José to get hold of a microphone, stand in the middle of the pitch and
apologise to the whole world for being such a prat.

Not a lot to ask for there is it?
Indeed not, Kedge. It's our right as one of the worldwide audience of 1 billion to ask for such things and, dammit, we'll be really rather peeved if they aren't brought to us in large quantities.

Our thanks go to Kedge for helping us out this time around. On Wednesday, to celebrate the Champions League Final, we'll be asking for your Three Wishes for Michel Platini, UEFA President.

Are there any decisions you'd like to see him make? Any issues you'd like him to deal with in a particularly efficient way? If so, send us three examples by email to write4us[at]spaotp[dot]com and we'll post them before your very eyes here at SPAOTP ahead of the big showdown on Wednesday...

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