Rollermaniacs banned

The Bay City Rollers have been charged with bringing football into disrepute following their actions at the Ukraine v England game on Saturday.

The popular music group, popular more than three decades ago at least, were said to have caused chaotic scenes during the game with their dangerous flares. Various people inside the Dnipro Stadium had to be taken to hospital with inflamed retinas and other eye injuries after seeing the outlandish tartan-clad trouserware for the first time since 1975.

Green

The match itself had to be stopped on several occasions when flares were thrown onto the pitch, once because England goalkeeper Robert Green attempted to try a pair on. The incident, alleviated by the intervention of protective goggle-wearing officials, led to Green's sending off shortly after for ungentlemanly conduct.

Red

It was a sad and all-too-brief comeback for the Rollers whose last hit in 1977 was 'How are we going to recycle all this kilt fabric?' In the years that followed, the group faded into obscurity and beyond the gaze of the public eye relocated to the western Soviet Union where they remained in hiding until now.

Local residents in Kiev say the group had recently been planning a high-profile return to performing. They intended to hijack last Saturday's World Cup qualifier to catch the attention of a UK audience of several millions, however it's said that the group were unaware that the game was only likely to be watched live by 25,000 people on the internet.

Orange

Nevertheless, they went ahead with their actions by secretly gaining admittance to the stadium before throwing their incongruous flares onto the pitch. Brightly coloured and coming apart at the seams, Ron Atkinson was also said to be at the stadium in his capacity as a TV co-commentator.

FA representatives will call on FIFA to have the match replayed next month as compensation for the disruption. FIFA legislation specifies that only casual slacks or 501's can enter the field of play in international qualifiers.