Fanny old game

Political correctness watchdogs have demanded clubs change their male only hiring policy when it comes to club management. The call has come in the wake of a woman taking charge of a Conference South match last week.

Shoes

Les Dyke, spokeswoman for the Centre of Equal Opportunities for Chicks, said it was shameful it had taken this long: "It's difficult to comprehend in a time where women are managing banks, offices and shoe shops, that we still have no female managers in football."

Dr Julius Limbani, Head of Research at Croydon Centre of Women's Stuff told intrepid Onion Bag reporter Larry Gak that the fair sex just wasn't cut out for the rigours of club management: "Well it stands to reason doesn't it - you wouldn't catch Rafa Benitez acting completely irrationally, or Alex Ferguson bitching about his rivals like a woman would. Can you imagine Harry Redknapp playing the transfer market like a woman buying shoes - spending over the odds on things he's already bought."

Chocolate

Strugglers Fisher Athletic gave club volunteer, Donna Powell the opportunity to take the reins for one week - in the hope to stem a run of ten straight defeats. It didn't. The story however has caused a sensation, giving tabloids just the excuse they need to print lots of pictures of Cherie Lunghi.

Chocolate shoes

Powell however, has vowed never to go back into club management: "It was a harsh lesson - one I don't plan to repeat. Men have always told me I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about these things; I'm worried now that now I have I'm going to turn into a minger!"