Caught on camera

FIFA President Sepp Blatter has admitted he will strongly consider the use of video technology as he aims to prevent a series of burglaries at his home in Switzerland.

The bobby on the beat

Blatter, 73, has so far resisted the calls of friends and colleagues to install cameras at his million-dollar mansion in the Alps, claiming that the official appointed to look out for burglars - an unnamed local policeman - was \'perfectly capable of seeing everything that goes on.\'

Recent experiments by Blatter to use three officials - one at either end of his street and one outside his mansion - were quickly curtailed when the cost of employing two extra officials started to impact on the finances of the FIFA boss.

Chips with everything

Blatter is also thought to be against the practice of embedding microchips in his most valuable items in order to track their whereabouts. Had he already done so, the exact location of many stolen articles like Blatter\'s favourite leather lederhosen, his black felt trilby with a white feather sticking out of it and his \'Sexiest Women Footballers of the World\' DVD collection would already be known.

Now, after several burglaries have left Blatter a balding, grey-haired, mumbling old fool, a change of tact has been acknowledged as essential in stopping the thefts and finding the culprit. With video cameras due to be installed at the luxury property of the FIFA head, Swiss Senior Police Commissioner Hugo Bassfender said the search for the person responsible for the crimes was nearing its conclusion.

Don't have nightmares

"We believe the crime was committed by someone with a serious dislike for Herr Blatter. As a result, taking character profiles into account, we\'ve narrowed the shortlist of suspects down to somewhere in the region of 25 to 30 million people... across 148 countries."

Blatter was unavailable for comment at the time of the announcement due to prior commitments with the Swedish Under-19 Women\'s World Cup squad.