Hiddink Jumps Bail

Guus Hiddink is on the run from worlds most deadly bounty hunters after smoking a cigar.

The ex-Chelsea current Russian team boss was caught chomping on a stogie in the bowels of Wembley Stadium after watching his erstwhile team win the FA Cup. As his players cavorted around in ecstasy, Hiddink sat back and enjoyed the sight of young lads frolicking. Without thinking, he pulled out a long one gave it a good smoke.

Hired my body out for pay

Wembley is a designated workplace, and smoking in such an area is strictly forbidden under the Unnecessary Powers Act 2009. Hiddink has been charged with violating this most sacred law and was ordered to report to the Old Bailey on Monday. However, Hiddink has skipped town and is now believed to be hiding out somewhere in Russia.

The Metropolitan Police have no jurisdiction in the former Soviet Republic so have put a price on his head. The reward of nearly £50 pounds is sure to attract some of the best bounty hunters that money can buy.

It's only hay

Already, our sources can reveal that Dog the Bounty Hunter is shipping his camera crew, SUV and assorted hangers on over to Moscow. Colt Seavers is not the type to kiss and tell but he's put down Farah Fawcett and is heading east with Heather Thomas in his pick up truck. Whether he gets there or not is unimportant. Boba Fett is unavailable for the job as he is still trying to climb his way out of the Sarlacc's belly.

Hey hey

However, the greatest bounty hunter of them all, the one with no name, has retired and is making Oscar winning movies as a pretext to jumping into bed with young female actresses. Or so we understand.

Confusion reigned earlier today when it was believed that Hiddink had turned himself in. However, it turned out to be Carlo Ancelotti dropping off his CV. Meanwhile, Chelsea have named their new manager: A little known Dutch coach called Huus Giddink.