Wife swoop

Manchester City's insanely rich owners are to make a multi-million pound swoop for Harry Redknapp's wife, according to her agent.

Better than Bent

City's Dubai owners interest in Sandra Redknapp was piqued following Tottenham's draw with Portsmouth, when in a post match interview Harry told reporters that his wife could have finished better than Darren Bent, to the agreement of everyone present.

Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan's private yacht was reported to have moored in Poole harbour yesterday evening with the express intention of not leaving until Mrs Redknapp's name was on a contract.

No ordinary cream cakes

A delegation visited Mrs Redknapp in her Sandbanks home, where they were treated to cups of tea, cakes from the local M&S food hall and also allowed to have a go on the Wii, taking care not to beat any of Jamie's high scores.

City manager Mark Hughes (after we explained what was going on) told intrepid Onion Bag reporter Larry Gak he was delighted with his club being linked with Mrs Redknapp and was convinced she would settle easily into the squad.

... and the little girl too

Redknapp revealed it wasn't the first time he'd been received an offer for his wife from an Arabian consortium: "a couple of 'em offered me three camels for 'er when we were in Marrakesh on 'oliday once. I told 'em to sling their 'ook."