Gomez goes
OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 273 - 17 Nov 2008
Gomes: Krusty
Cirque du Soleil: Gomez returns
Hawking: 'The Cat'
Tottenham keeper runs away to the Cirque du Soleil
Tottenham are likely to be without Brazilian goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes for up to six months following a call-up to the Cirque Du Soleil European Tour.
This year's Hilario
Gomes, whose hilarious antics have been enjoyed by thousands of Premier League fans since the start of the 2008/09 season, has a clause in his contract which allows him to go on tour with the acclaimed circus troupe whenever they appear on the continent.
Manager Harry Redknapp was said to be disappointed by the news but latterly expressed relief at the fact that his team are now unlikely to leak goals like a rusty bucket until Spring.
Billy Not-so-Smart
Gomes' previous appearances for Cirque Du Soleil were warmly received during 2006 when he adopted the persona of Chi-Chi the Absent-Minded Clown. Dressed in a ridiculously garish yellow outfit and sporting a funny haircut and ridiculous walk, Gomes was only too happy to change into his clown's outfit on arriving with the troupe.
A latter stint as trapeze artist proved less successful when Gomes' handling skills resulted in a less than successful catch rate and the predictably disastrous consequences that followed thereon.
Circus Minimus
Now the funny Brazilian feels he's ready for his most successful spell with the award-winning performance artistes and has one goal in mind. Speaking through an interpreter in a recent interview with Palhaço magazine, Gomez said "I wish to improve my acting skills through the medium of dance. For me it is vital to portray myself as an innocent victim whenever I let the ball slip through my fingers or when I fail to catch an easy cross. My fans must believe me when I am seen to be in despair, and for me this can only be done by acting with great sincerity, even when I'm dying on my arse."
Dog and Pony
In a statement released by Tottenham Hotspur late last night, Heurelho Gomes' place in the Tottenham side will be filled by Stephen Hawking until the end of the season. While lacking the mobility of Gomez, Hawking's static positioning in the Tottenham goal should, it's hoped, result in at least one or two shots being saved by sheer law of averages.
Chris O
