The Secret Diary of Adrian Mutu aged 29 and 3/4

Onion Bag hackers broke into Adrian Mutu's website for the fun of it and discovered the shocking journal of the former Chelsea coke-head. Here, for the first time, we present extracts...

2000 Score many many goal for Bucharesti and I hear Italian pig dogs want Adrian's golden feet. They pay me in dollars and cocaine and women. I go.

2000 - 2003 Many many Italian clubs give me dollars and cocaine and women and Adrian gives them goals, goals, goals! Internazionale, Verone, Parma - all suck on the toes of I.

2003 Russian. The Russian! Say he come to London. To Chelski. We double dollars, cocaine and women. London? Why not says Adrian? Says I? Yes. Be star of new Chelski Europ Champs so say he-di-he Italy and dank-you-veddy-much, but I got to meet this John Terry man.

2003 - season begins Many goals for Adrian! And my Consuela, she become my woman. Along with my other women. And my cokey-colas.

2004 Who is this Special One? Adrian is the most special and best, especially after snorty-sniffs. Special One says I lie. But he is big liar. The Russian is no helpski. Adrian is low.

2004 - October Cokey not allowed in London. I not understand, comrade. But Chelski and Special One fire Mutu and give him fine.

2005 - 2007 - Juve and Fiorentina I go back to Italy.

2008 12 million yoyo to the Russian billionaire, say FIFA because of cokey! Where will Mutu find this? Maybe he must whore out Consuela? Day is dark for Mutu.

European Championships (55m) If Mutu scores against Italy, he become even bigger player. Get many millions of yoyo to pay off Chelski scum. Yes! Goal for Mutu! Life good!

European Championships (57m) Goal for Italy! Life bad! Want happy flour and women.

European Championships (80m) Penalty! Mutu will save Romania!

European Championships (2am) - Zurich gutter Woe is Mutu! What happened? You, pissy bum in bin. Be Mutu's friend and listen.