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The Onion Bag: Occasionally humorous football satire

Parting shots on target

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 246 - 12 May 2008
Sven Goran Eriksson

Sven: Can keep the scarf

Pub garden

Pub garden: Too tempting on sunny afternoon

Receptionist

Elaine: Scored in 87th minute

Sven's leaving do is huge success

The Onion Bag joined now former Manchester City manager Sven Goran Eriksson yesterday for his leaving party down at a pub in Middlesbrough.

Card behind the bar

Celebrations started early when, at half time during the game against Boro, Sven declared to his team that he was going off to the pub and he was getting the first drink for everyone who turned up.

"Me and a couple of the lads thought we'd nip down straight after work for a few, but it was such a lovely day that we thought - to hell with it, let's go now," a tired and emotional Sven explained. "Most of the players, said they'd just nip down for a Coke and then go straight back to work, but the sun was shining, I'd bought a couple of pitchers of Pimms, and the party just sort of started there and then."

Afternoon off

The second half kicked off without most of the starting eleven, who were by then on to their second pint, with their shirts off in the pub garden. "I was a bit worried about not going back, what with me being a bit new still," confessed City striker Benjani. "But the gaffer told he'd me got Elaine from reception and that bloke who does security to cover for us."

Defender Richard Dunne had booked a half day annual leave: "I knew it might get a bit messy so I planned ahead. I feel a bit cheated now as everyone else just skived off."

Gardening leave

When asked what his plans were, Sven just said: "Well, I've got a couple irons in the fire, you know, but I'll probably just take a little time off and enjoy the sun. Do you want another drink?"

Interviews for Sven's replacement are due to start four weeks ago.

Sp3ktor

Sound Of Football 104: Goalkeepers

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