More One-Minute Madness

Fans of Brit band Blur plan to ruin a minute's silence that will be held at the forthcoming match between Colchester United and Crystal Palace to honour the memory of pop star Mike Smith.

Smith, who died last week, was the lead singer of 60s band The Dave Clark Five whose 1964 number one 'Glad All Over' is the Palace anthem.

You say that you love me

But fans of famous Colchester band Blur have no intention of staying silent. "I can't ever forget the rivalry between Blur and The Dave Clark Five. And I can't ever remember it, either," announced Jethro Heap, 86, lifelong fan of United, and care home resident.

All of the time

Smith, who wasn't born anywhere near Palace, hated football, and left England many years ago, is a hero to Eagles fans as the voice of the Dave Clark Five. The rousing boom-boom-boom opening of 'Glad All Over' has inspired the south London club to mediocrity for decades since it was adopted as their theme in the 1960s. Palace chairman Simon Jordan said, "It's only right to remember Mike with a minute's silence. Plus, now he's snuffed it, it'll cost us less in royalties to play it."

You say that you need me

Sixty seconds of silence is commonplace at grounds up and down the country today as football desperately tries to give itself a sheen of respectability in an era of £100,000 a week salaries, mimsy-flashing WAGs, and generally poor behaviour. Dead pets, expired burger vendors, and long-serving programme sellers have all been remembered with the silence.

You'll always be mine

But the morbid trend regularly backfires with supporters usually jeering each other and embarrassed referees peep-peeping less than half way through the gesture.

I'm feeling...

"We implore both Blur and Colchester United fans to remember Mike and all the great songs he sang," said a Palace spokesman. "Besides, The Dave Clark Five were much better than Blur, no, really, because they even made a film. So there."

The Onion Bag's Larry Gak caught up with Mike Smith shortly before his sad demise. "I'm glad it's all over," he choked before popping his clogs.