WHAT'S IN A MIDDLE NAME?

Funny old thing, Football. For instance, footballers' middle names. There're some rum 'uns.

Corkers

My old pal Henry Ham has just got a new job as Football Correspondent of the Library Channel and as you would expect from a methodical bunch of coves like librarians they supplied him with biographies of over 10,000 players to help his commentary. So thorough was the dossier it even included middle names. I can tell you, there were some corkers.

Savage

Who'd ever have thought Billy Bremner's middle name was Tarquin? Or Robbie Savage rejoiced in the full name of Robert Montmerency Savage? Or that Ian St John's passport should reveal him to be Ian St John St John? Fascinating stuff. And Alan Smith, now of the Magpies, was christened Alan Cuthbert Smith, apparently.

Wind

And of course it's not just middle names – there's also the matter of real names. Just as John Wayne's real name was Marion, Roy Keane's real name, as you may know, is Rita. Talking of names, I noted with interest this week that the sponsors of Italian football team 'Roma' require them to wear the word 'Wind' emblazoned proudly on their chests. Sometimes, dear reader, this column writes itself.

Cheerio,