She's the right man for the job

Funny old thing, football. For instance, lady commentators. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm as much for women as the next man. Unless that man happens to be George Best, obviously.

Leather-soled slippers and Dundee cake

No, seriously though. It may surprise the regular reader (Hello Herbert, happy Easter! – Ed.) that I'm in favour of women's lib. Granted, like any sensible fellah I baulked at the bra burning, one never likes to see anything frilly go to waste, but that aside, why shouldn't the Dorises have a go at things? After all, must be a bit bally boring stuck in a kitchen all day. Why not venture out into the back yard, share a pipe with a chap and even discover manly pleasures like leather-soled slippers, and Dundee cake? I can tell you, women's lib's worked wonders for Missus Pundit. Whenever the ol' caravan conks out halfway up a Yorkshire Dale and a rigorous bit of pushing is required, it's not Yours Truly who's heaving like a good 'un and swearing like a navvy, oh no. That's equality for you – jolly hard work!

Yes she does understand the offside rule, thanks

In short, good luck to Jacqui Oatley. I look forward to commentaries benefiting from a greater appreciation of which team's strips clash and which don't; a certain amount of smug clarity, even oneupwomanship, the first time Ms Oatley refers - with complete confidence - to the offside rule; and perhaps a deal less flatulence in the Press Box, on account of there being a lady present (although I doubt it'll stop Mr Jonathan Pearce).

Heave

After all, we've had a female Prime Minister. We've even got a female Queen. And it is the twenty-first century. Even I recognise that – although principally because Missus Pundit's right behind me, unceremoniously shoving me into 2007 – heaving like a good 'un and swearing like a navvy.

Till next time,