Berlusconi's Christmas Message

In spite of attempts to stop him, Il Duce Silvio Berlusconi, former Prime Minister of Italy and master of AC Milan, has demanded he return to The Onion Bag for one final Christmas message.

While children all over the World make Christmas wish lists to the fat red one, I shall be spending Christmas making a revenge list against those who have betrayed me.

Secret Santa

First I shall start with all those fools who voted against me in the general election. Their short-sightedness led to my defeat in the polls. It was a crime against Italy and, secret ballot or no secret ballot, I shall find them and see that they are punished.

Then there is the donkey Shevchenko. He was once such a graceful stallion, now he is fit only to carry his giant chest of ill-gotten gold from that Russian oil pig and his melodramatic Portuguese pimp. They are fools to believe they can over-take me and my beloved Milan. Unlike the buffoons in the White House and Downing Street, I know how to deal with those that challenge my authority. I am ten times the leader that Blair is. I would never just walk away from power. My lights stay on even if no one is home.

Christmas movie

And have you seen that idiot Bush and that stupid video of his mangy, flea ridden and rabid mutt? My God I nearly gouged my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Well, I have made one of my own this Christmas. It is guaranteed to leave all Italian men roaring with laughter at my panache and have all the Italian women cooing at my virilty.

There's a world outside your window

In the New Year, my beautiful warriors of Milan will face the brave-hearted Scotsman in the League of Campionese. While I bear the Celt's no ill, my soldiers will bear their bottoms in defiance and laugh at their pathetic attempts to beat me... the Duce. They will fail like all others have failed. Except the ones on the list. Ah yes the list. Now if I could just concentrate. I can barely hear myself above the noise of the crowd outside my window. Veronica! Who are those people? Why do they look so angry? Veronica?