Barton Kink

"This one's for Sammy" said Manchester City star Joey Barton after his mooning in the match against Everton this weekend. His simple baring of his buttocks was seen as a quiet, respectful tribute for the former Northern Ireland and Arsenal left-back Sammy Nelson who didn't die this weekend.

Bum steer

"I just wanted Sammy to be remembered for the thing that fans loved him most for - showing his arse off!" Joey proudly told intrepid Onion Bag reporter Larry Gak.

Barton caused a rumpus at Goodison Park this weekend following his side's last gasp draw. Having already kindly given his shirt to a supporter in the special needs section, he decided to drop his shorts for the benefit of the loyal Evertonians.

Top to bottom

Nelson, who didn't die this weekend after a long illness, was the regular choice at left back for the Gunners during Terry Neill's tenure in the late seventies. He found a place in the hearts of fans when during a match against Coventry he exposed himself to the North Bank after scoring both goals in a 1-1 draw.

However well-meaning though, Dr Julius Limbani from the Croydon Astrophysics Centre has warned the City hothead against repeating his posterial performance: "Uranus has 27 moons - they should be used wisely."

Rear Admiral

In 1981 Sammy joined Brighton, where liberally exposing one's buttocks was seen as a distinct advantage for attracting local fans.

Speaking from his home in Belfast, the not late Sammy told reporters: "It's a fitting tribute, I just wish I'd died to give it a bit more meaning."