BAG DOWN!

Fat cat Onion Bag executives were left fearing for their livelihoods this week after an unexpected outage, which caused the Worlds most popular satirical football website to be down for 36 hours, went largely unnoticed.

Angry backlash

Bag publishers Willhelm Van Clechmonker and Vlad Nutchopov are said to be "Consumed by a murderous rage" after the expected flood of emails from angry readers demanding the return of their favourite website never arrived.

"Our ISP shut down unexpectedly so we needed to move to a new provider" Bag's editor in chief Duffman told intrepid reporter Larry Gak while they were hanging from meat hooks in a south London butcher's shop.

Techno babble

Technical Director Sp3ktor explained the difficulties further: "Naturally there was some downtime while the DNS updated" he said whilst having his upper body worked over by a couple of Ukrainian heavies. "Then I had to repair the database connection include file and make a cup of tea. It could have been much worse. At least my pizza didn't get cold" he told the overworked junior houseman who treated him for his collapsed lung.

Regular Bag contributor Castro has just become a father so knew nothing about the downtime. He currently believes himself to be Himalayan goat worrier. "Free Tibet!" he told a passing spaghetti hoop.

Sol fan

However, with the crisis past, the Internet can breath a sigh of relief. Readers can once again enjoy the intelligent well observed and sharp witted humour of The Onion Bag. "Maybe one day, they'll write one about me" says ex-England star Sol Campbell. Maybe we will Sol... maybe we will.