SHEPHERD: HELP! WE CAN'T SACK ROBSON

Newcastle chairman Freddie Shepherd told The Onion Bag of his continuing nightmare of being totally unable to sack the clubs current manager Sir Bobby Robson. "Every time I sit him down in my office he looks at me all doughy eyed and I just can't bring myself to do it.". Shepherd believes that there is some sort of magical spell that is protecting the former England boss making him impervious to the boot.

Looney

Shepherd told BBC Radio Five Live the Sir Bobby had another year on his contract and that he was unable to sack his manager.

"Bobby Robson has another 12 months on his contract. I can only keep saying to everyone that he has another 12 months on his contract. I cannot say it any other way. I don't think you can sack Bobby Robson."

Shepherd clarified his remark to The Onion Bag later that day: "I think I gave the impression that I wanted him to stay. I don't. I've been trying for months now but I physically cannot say the words to him. Thats what I meant by 'I don't think you can sack Bobby Robson.' . I really can't."

Toon

Shepherd first suspected that Robson was using magic after he introduced Shepherd to performing magician Professor Hartwig Seeman.

Seeman is a succesfull performer whose acts are reminiscent of 19th Century magicians and befriended Robson after they met at the Hartlepool Summertime Special. Robson, a member of the audience, was invited on stage whereby Seeman produced Robson's long lost chamber pot. The two have been good friends since.

Shepherd believes that Seeman's mystical powers are preventing him from sacking his manager.

That's magic

Such is Shepherd desperation to lift this spell and get rid of his manager that he has sought help from the supernatural world from none other than conjuring legend Paul Daniels. "We think he can help us," said Shepherd. "Not a lot. But we think he can... I thank you."