All posts (935)
2011 (6)
Oct (1)
OCCUPY STADIUMS: Fans plan to march on Football in protest
Jun (1)
BLATTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW: Minute-by-minute coverage of FIF...
May (2)
KIT DESIGNERS USE THEIR LOAF: New bread kits not just for th...
BATTLE OF THE BLOGS: Top football websites earn critical acc...
Feb (1)
EAST OF STRATFORD: Spurs in shock move to Upton Park
Jan (1)
GRANT SCARF ABOUT FACE: Reprieved coach wants his scarf back
2010 (17)
Dec (2)
WELCOME TO BLATTERSVILLE: Sepp in a state over his own natio...
ENGLAND U-SHITED: Lineker scuppers World Cup bid
Oct (1)
ROO-BESITY: United ace faces up to his cash binging
Sep (1)
WALCOTT BRAIN BOYCOTT: Wallcott's brain quits England
Jun (1)
TACTISCH TRUCK: A tactical report on England from a Dutch le...
May (2)
HUNG CHAMPIONSHIP: Fergie seeks coalition with Wenger to uns...
VOTE VOTE VOTE: Keeper candidates in final selection push
Apr (1)
LABOUR ON THE OFFENSIVE: Porn duo speak Brown's mind
Mar (1)
UNMASKED: Peter Storrie: I'm Peter Storey
Feb (4)
SCAN SCAM: Cole: It was them airport scanners, honest
2D SPECTACLE: Fans to watch matches in two dimensions
TRANSFER MISSUS: Terry's wife misses out on quickie
ISSA BLOODY OUTRAGE: World condemns Pythonesque Togo ban
Jan (4)
THE NEVILLE MADE ME DO IT: Carlos Tevez: a man possessed
ROBINHO ENERGY CRISIS: Brazilian star subbed after fears he ...
CAUGHT ON CAMERA: Blatter fast-forwards video plans
NO MORE EXCUSES: Crisis as excuse stocks dry up
2009 (102)
Dec (3)
MISTLETOE AND WHINE: Onion Bag enters running for Xmas No 1
SEEDLESS GRIPES: Irish begged FIFA to be '9th seeds'
VIDEO NASTY: Wolves fans given Old Trafford shocker on DVD
Nov (5)
REPLAY ACTION: Tottenham v Wigan to be replayed
NAMING CONVENTIONS: Players to flog names for wonga
BROWN QWIT THREAT: Hull boss said he'll walk out over Twitte...
ADIOS ENGLAND!: Scotland look to Spain for glory
CHARITY BEGINS AT BONE: Clubs wear puppies as a mark of resp...
Oct (7)
SUMMERTIME BLUES: Red-faced Fergie furious over missing hour
ROLLERMANIACS BANNED: 70's Pop Group in Stadium Flare-Up
SOL IN THE HEAD: Campbell joins the Sugababes
COMPARE THE FOOTBALL CLUB: Onion Bag ties up deal with club ...
BALL GAGGED: Bag injuncted by beachball
CTRL-ALT-WIN: Computer football roaring success
RIO 2016: Ferdinand to host Olympics
Sep (7)
BROWN BONKERS: Hull boss steals a car and heads for a cliff
EMMANUEL CARRY ON: Adebayor interrupts six year old birthday...
WORLD CUP MISERY FOR ENGLAND FANS: It's only qualification, ...
FIFA BAN POST-MATCH CHELSEA RUB-DOWNS: Transfers unlawful, c...
SKY SPORTS SCRAP: Salako's Improper Use of Present Tense Sta...
HATTY JAPES: Prem admits ideas pulled from hat
BECKS DEPORTED TO US: Fading legend in hiding from MLS
Aug (4)
PORKY'S : Fat hammer hooligan fronts USA Cup bid
TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT: Fergie blasts ref for lack of consi...
ASHTON CRATE: City admit stadium made from old toys
ROBSON QUOTES FAKED: Comedy one liners a sham
Jul (9)
COUNTERSIGN: Fergie declares PR war on City
GOSSIP HURL: More bad lies than Tom Watson in a play-off
MICAH GETS THE PORK CHOP: City to sell Richards after owners...
JACKO BACK FROM THE DEAD FOR GRECIANS: Final honour for Exet...
OWEN GONE?: Mystery surrounds so-called demise of former sta...
SVEN WITHOUT WOMEN: Panic in Nottingham as females flee
ERIC TO BECKS - PAH!: Cantona urges star to stick the boot i...
BECKHAM PHONE FURY: D-Beck livid his moby not hacked
SCARY BUTCHER: Humanely exterminating the latest transfer st...
Jun (12)
CESC, LIES AND, ER, MORE LIES: The British tennis of transfe...
MICKEY MOUSE MONEY: Ronaldo's angry currency exchange
RAFA DEMANDS GROUND CONTROL: Boss wants no more Tora from To...
CROSSBAR BAN!: Blatter goes too far this time
MEN IN BLACK MOOD SWING: Refs fail to see Braille shirt joke
PUNDIT LOSES HIS MIND: Reward offered for return of enfeeble...
HORNBLOWERS: England band get the horn
SENSE OF RUMOUR: We piece together shredded memos from club'...
TURF MOOR RACE WAR: Political incorrectness goes mad in Burn...
ENGLAND'S GOT TALENT: Fury at all-English XI for Olympics
FASTEST EVER ONION BAG: Stories knocked out in under 30 seco...
HIDDINK JUMPS BAIL: Dutchman flies from British Justish
May (7)
BLADES 'N' CASES: Sheff Utd to sue Toon for chucking Prem pl...
FIGHT CLUB: Illegal Footballer Fighting ring exposed
VOTE BAG OR EVERYONE DIES: Publisher's ultimatum to terrifie...
SOFA SO GOOD: DFS sell players in Half Price Sale
PET BROWNS: Hull boss in bother with Music Industry
TAIL BENTOS: Tevez Furious as Ferguson Reveals Tail
DROGBA CURES SWINE FLU: Striker DNA holds key to treatment
Apr (9)
WEBBY AWARDS: Horror as top ref wins top ref prize
CRISSY SWALLOWED HOLE: United players consumed by pitch
FREEDOM OF SQUEAK: Run-in to be sponsored by Wind-eze
NO LAUGHING MATTER: Uproar as Bag ignores Hillsborough
PAINT STRIPPERS: FA to dock Luton Town their Johnstone's Pai...
AFRO'D OF THE DARK: Bootle mania as Liverpool goes dark
MAN U IN PFA VOTE FURY: 'Extra man' inclusion outrage
LUTON DOWN: BSP rules are mad say Hatters
MESSIAH WARS: Saints claim Shearer rights
Mar (13)
FERGUSON IN FRAME FOR DAMNED UNITED 2: Soccer sequel turns l...
CARLOS GOES TO THE BAR: Striker forms case for the defence
BUS KOP: Scousers livid over anti red slogan
TAYLOR V RONALDO THE REMATCH: Rumble In The Tunnel II sells ...
FERGIE 2.0 READY FOR SERVICE: Robot replacement planned for ...
DON'T MENTION THE LEAGUE: Prem's full name becomes a no-no
BENTLEY ISN'T ACE: Raucous Redknapp Rant Revealed
ENGLAND KIT COCK-UP: Clear strip controversy
PHLEGMISH GESTURE APPLAUDED: Golden age of gobbing remembere...
FULL OF EAST COAST PROMISE: Ernesto looks ahead to the MLS s...
EDUARDO: MY BOTCHED OP HELL: Striker's grief as foot is ...
FERGIE FLOGS EURO SPOT: Reds put Europa League place up for ...
RICK AND I: Ernesto gives us the skinny on Rick Parry's resi...
Feb (16)
FANNY OLD GAME: Clubs told to employ more women managers
BINGE TANNER JORDAN: The futures bright, The Chairman's Oran...
BRAT TRAP: Those boys just can't play together, says Scolari
SHOW US THE MONEY: United to strip for cash
TOFFEE KITCHEN: Moyes in Soup over Legends
DON'T DO IT BECKS: Milan move wrong says Ernesto
CITY IN WONDER SIGNING: Keegan slates Hughes decision to sig...
REALITY KNEE-VEE: Striker wants a knee
DAMAGED GOODS: LA demand they fix Beckham before returning h...
CHELSEA: KINNEAR WAS OUR FIRST CHOICE: Blues reveal Joe was ...
BALE-OUT: Movie star has the answer for ITV
PREMIER LEAGUE SQUAD PANIC: Transfer window to shut permanen...
SUPER GRAN SAVES THE DAY!: Rotherham woman knits Pitch-Pully
N'ZOG WAKE-OVER: I lie awake at night thinking of insomnia t...
SHUT THAT TRANSFER WINDOW: Johnny's feeling the cold
Jan (10)
A HERO REBORN: Keane becomes crime-fighter after Rafa snub
ERNESTO EXPLAINS IT ALL: Flash footie biz man gives us the i...
MAN U MENTALISM: Fergie's mind games revealed
RONALDO'S ROYAL RUCKUS: Fuggin' tunnel skullduggery
TRANSPLANT WINDOW: Benitez plans January body harvest
THE CUP THAT SNEERS: Fury as cup clash is replaced with clip...
WIFE SWOOP: Redknapp's missus to team up with Kaka
SHEIKS FAKED: Wolverhampton man mistaken for Kaka
THE SNOW MUST GO ON: Fans warm to snowman capers
TAKING THE VIZ: Comic enrages Rovers boss
2008 (157)
Dec (13)
CHRISTMAS OF CHAMPIONS: Champs League knockout round on Chri...
A CHRISTMAS APPEAL: Impoverished managers need your help
A BOWL OF COLD CUSTARD: Fothergill looks forward to the new ...
DRAW NO MORE: Ecclestone: Winner should take it all
SOCIAL WORKERS BLAMED FOR ROY EXIT: Keano calamity caused by...
RON-BALL: Ronaldo is new Webb-Ellis
I'M A FOOTBALL MANAGER - GET ME OUT OF HERE: Peter Reid stra...
DELAP OF THE GODS: Stoke City 'shafted' without Rory
MACKEM MOUTHFUL: Black Cat Boss too much to handle
TIGER MARKET: City to make January swoop for Hull's points
THE OTHER WEARSIDE: McCoist in new ITV threat
BAGGIES SEE BLUE OVER KIT DEAL: WBA sponsored by Scolari and...
PINK TERROR: Innocent birds massacred for Bent boots
Nov (12)
QUANTUM OF GALLAS: Gunners skipper missing Bond
CELEBRATION GAME: Onion Bag goal signal banned
REDKNAPP SACKED: Defeat too much to bear for Spurs board
HEX FACTOR: Unpopular results blighting game
LEHMANN LEAVES: Stuttgart keeper swears he'll retire
OBAMA: I WRECKED BLUE PETER GARDEN: Presidential hopeful was...
BRAZIL 0 ISLE OF MAN 1: Manx a lot, says Blatter
FAR OUT, PUNDIT : Johnny P goes on a trip
GOMEZ GOES: Tottenham keeper runs away to the Cirque du Sole...
BLUE SHIELD STAMPS: City board in token gesture to Hughes
SATANIC WAG: Burlesque Baillie urged to get in the game
WHEN ALIENS LANDED IN MACCLESFIELD: Johnny P recalls another...
Oct (11)
GOLD WATCH: Redknapp: Best chance to get fired before I reti...
GET PARKS: Warrant out for 50p ref
UNFAIR GAME: Website encourages kids to show disapproval
THE BOO WEMBLEYS: Fear factor blamed on new stadium
BOX CLEVER : FIFA take a Risk with new World Cup format
HATLER POPS HIS CLOGS: Pundit mourns 'a lovely chap'
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARTSIDE: Bolton chief hungry for fam...
SHOW ME THE RED CARD: Harrogate man sues Rio and Sol
TAILORED TAYLOR: Missing turnip footage Revealed
GERMANY SOLVE EURO 2012 CRISIS: Unease as Germany eye Poland
Sep (16)
LAWYERS FC: QC's target top spot
SHOPAHOLIC AND FOOTBALL: Spurs boss addicted to transfers
PM TO TAKE OVER AT NEWCASTLE: Business solution for Magpies?
ROBI-OH-NO!: Own goal horror for star's debut
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES: Millions stranded as broadcaster goe...
WOR PROTEST: Geordie fans form breakaway team
FERGIES NUMBER TWO REVEALED: Phelan will speak to MOTD 'scum...
A HISTORY OF THE TRANSFER WINDOW: An illuminating tale of tr...
CITY GENTS: Bradford in the money after Gov gaff
SOLD SHORT: Ban on buy backs could save economy
HEADLINES OF THE FUTURE: Pundit perspicaciously predicts the...
ONE KEVIN KEEGAN: Magpies' problems solved by cloning expert
BEWARE OF SHINY NEW TRAIN SETS: Johnny sounds a cautionary n...
UN-WISE SELECTION: Kev quits over sarnie trust issues
PISS TAKER: Ashley can't keep off the yellow
YOU HAVE BEEN BERBATOVED: Johnny signs a contract for life (...
Aug (9)
LEAD ON MCBECKS: Galaxy star must become a Scot to avoid civ...
MY BRILLIANT CAREER: McClaren recalls when it all began
RADIO DAZE: The Onion Bag Radio Show goes live!
CHINESE TAKE OUT: Curtain raiser to get face lift
THE TWO RONALDOS: Johnny tumbles head first into a comedy go...
ESCAPE FROM TOTTENHAM: Berbatov: Call me Snake
THREE-WAY ACTION: Chelsea and Manchester United outsmart Mad...
CITY ON THE LAM: Mancs will be in Mexico until this thing bl...
RED SCARE: This is the worst thing that could have happened,...
Jul (9)
FERGIE'S SPONSORED HUSH: Hacks blank Utd boss for charity
FA IN PLAYGROUND PICK SCHEME FARCE: Premier League adopt 'ba...
SPAIN IN THE AST: Benitez rules out move for Villa
KAKA'S ROMAN GOD: Brazilian finds new religion
BLATTER'S NO PUSHOVER IN SIMULATION STORM: Calls for Ronaldo...
EVERYONE GOES TO BOLTON IN THE END: Johnny tips his hat to t...
I'M RONALDO! NO, I'M...: Slaves revolt at Old Trafford
CLUBS TURN TO SPAM: Old mottos replaced by modern epithets
Jun (18)
MAD FROM LA MANCHA: Cruel Quixotien deception affects entire...
BERLUSCONI: FINALE: Il Duce writes for the Onion Bag
ALTERNATE ENDINGS: What if England and Scotland had made it ...
BORING BORING FOOTBALL TV: Lineker tempted to leave Beeb
THE SECRET DIARY OF ADRIAN MUTU AGED 29 AND 3/4: Private hel...
PLATINI GETS DOWN WITH MOTOWN: UEFA deal with Aretha's signe...
FERGIE FLIPS OUT: United boss spazzes over Ronaldo lies
HEADS WILL ROLL: KKK demand firm action against Polish tablo...
6 PLUS 5 DON'T GO: Basic sums leave footballers flummoxed
MOT-OUT: Commentator crash shuts down semi
STEVE IN NEVER-LAND: Ex England boss wants hot Dutch action
END OF AN ERA (# 73): Johnny P mourns the demise of Shoot! m...
SEVEN CAPS FOR SEVEN BROTHERS: England relief as FIFA rule R...
20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA: Euro Quarter Finals to be play...
FOOTBALL: REINVENTED (AGAIN) AS ART: Johnny P celebrates a E...
WAR: Tommy prepares to battle the Bosch once more
TCHUSS WISELY: English are Germans in disguise
FOOTBALL: REINVENTED AS ENTERTAINMENT: Johnny P meditates on...
May (11)
CAPTAIN SENSITIVE: Terry's tears melt Fabio's heart
CAMP FOOTBALL: Gulag used as fan storage
FIFTH COLUMNISTS: Bag contemplates move on birthday
PARTING SHOTS ON TARGET: Sven's leaving do is huge success
DEATH PENALTY: Ferguson prepares for penalty shoot-out in Mo...
YOU SCORED, SO WHAT?: Johnny P notes that not everyone is ce...
REPENT FORCE: Entire Premier League going to Hull
BUMPKINS BANNED!: Premier League say no to Bristol
PROPER FOOTBALL - BACK FOR ONE DAY ONLY: Johnny P welcomes t...
THE SOUND OF LOSING: FA set Capello Euro 2008 semi-final tar...
ZANU MCFC: Mugabe to take Eastlands hotseat
Apr (12)
WALL DEMANDS APOLOGY: Rio must say sorry to wall
BILL OF WRIGHT'S: Fans rejoice as Ian Wright leaves the Beeb...
NO FOIL IN YOUR KIT KAT : Johnny P experiences another crush...
JIM'LL FIXER: Stevie's letter is only the start of it
BENT: I'LL STRAIGHTEN OUT CECH: Wigan striker plans to plant...
ODE-ER AND OUT: Cup villain to fight for Tibet
SPANKED!: Cops investigate sordid S&M sessions involving Bir...
AVRAM SHAN'T: More Grant press shenanigans
THE LONG ROAD BACK: Il Duce writes for the Onion Bag
TRIUMPH FOR DEMOCRACY: Fan power wins outs
THERE'S LOVELY: English grandparents open door for Cardiff
BIG GAME, BIG HAIR, BIG RESULT: Johnny P bigs up the afro
Mar (20)
CRAVEN DECISION: Duke 'did not order' Fulham Relegation
YOU STILL COULDN'T MAKE IT UP: Clubs rush for fictional mill...
RANK AND BILE: Troops called in to protect refs
WOR CATASTROPHE AVERTED: Newcastle saved after winning Fulha...
CRYSTAL BALLS: Psychic ring leads to Lotto axe
JOHNNY FOREIGNER: GOOD THING, APPARENTLY : Pundit and Co app...
CANDID KITS: Goal-line technology shelved because camera can...
EVERYBODY OUT FROM OUTSIDE LEFT: Premiership stars to boycot...
WEDDING TACKLE: Taylor alledged to have gone studs-high into...
MORE ONE-MINUTE MADNESS: Blur fans to disrupt minute's silen...
AFC DEMAND MK TROPHY: Wimbledon want Don's cup success
JEWELL IN THE MOUND: Hunt is on for bondage sex tape
ALIVE!: North of England celebrates after win is found safe ...
RENAISSANCE MAN UNITED: English football now the greatest th...
YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP: Brothers Grimm claim copyright on f...
BRAND UNAWARENESS: Cup heroes to get Wembley face lift
I WILL BE DONE: Il Duce writes for the Onion Bag
HANGING GAFFERS: Confidence voting machine knackered
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES: Pundit imagines what might have been f...
Feb (13)
GIVE ME A BREAK!: Eduardo a softie says David Busst
BAGGED A BENITEZ: Reds boss Rafa replaces Homer in dictionar...
I SCU-CIFER: Official: Scudamore is son of Satan
NIGHT BOAT TO CAIRO: Egypt win right to host Premier League
SAS TO THE RESCUE: Special air services will ferry fans abro...
MUNICH RIGHTS: Fans free to mock the dead
EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED: Pundit on the football (left) field
NATIONAL SELECTION: English footballers declared extinct in ...
FERGIE FURY: Manchester United moan on and on despite 14-0 v...
HERE COMES THE SUN: Pundit yearns for Game 39
ENGLAND'S FOREIGN LEGION: Capello sacked after turning Lanca...
THE FA-TWA CUP: Sharia rules 'inevitable', says FA chief
WASTE MANAGEMENT: Fly-tipping still rife in the Premier Leag...
Jan (13)
MY DEFENCE 2: England star comes clean over filthy sex
GOAL, NOT DOLE: Liverpool to be government-owned by 2010
IT'S NOT NOW!: '66 final to be replayed after balloon furore
21 GOING ON 39: Old fans never die, they just lose their dig...
RAT RETURNS TO SINKING SHIP: Past-it puppet to save Luton To...
STRANGE BEDFELLOWS: Pundit shakes his head sadly at some ecc...
SUE WHEN YOU'RE WINNING: League to get legal on Cup chant fa...
KEEGAN QUIT SHOCK!: Geordie saviour bows to pressure
BERLUSCONI: AH MANCINI: Il Duce on bias in the media
IT'S WOR!: Red-faced Keegan admits snubbing Geordie legend
RIGHT SWINGER: Defoe's new haircut gives him the edge
ST CLAIMS' PARK: Unemployed to be forced to take Newcastle j...
DOWN FOR THE CUP: Clubs desperate to be knocked out of Cup
2007 (173)
Dec (11)
WHO'S QUITTING WHAT?: Those managers' New Year resolutions i...
UNLOCKING THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE: Pundit wonders what i...
JOHN TERRY'S SCHOOL DAYS: A new head joins
NO PAY, JOSE: 10 point penalty puts paid to Mourinho
THEY CAME AT DAWN: Pundit arrested (finally)
END OF THE LUNGE: Witchhunt forcing out the English game
AN ONION BAG CHRISTMAS PODCAST: Bag audio plunges new depths
THE ITALIAN WHO CAME IN FROM THE COLD: Pundit blows on his h...
KEWELL RUNNINGS: Footballer, missing for years, reappears
STONED LOVE: Woman pelted for naming cat after Kop God
Nov (16)
SCHOOLBOYS IN DISGRACE: The kids are not alright says Gov
DATA BUNGLER'S IDENTITY REVEALED: Police seek hapless loser ...
PENNIES FOR HEAVEN: Own a bit of a football club for just 20...
MARS ATTACKS: Scotland defeat is economic misery for Euro 08...
BERLUSCONI: ULTRA VIOLENT: Il Duce is no stranger to trouble
MACCA D'S: Stevie goes to Hollywood
PAY PRIDE: Riise's wage packet breaches obsenity laws
WHAT'S IN A MIDDLE NAME?: Jonathan Sophocles Pundit on the i...
THE NEW DREAM: Road to World Cup play-offs starts here
FA FOILED AGAIN: We do not tolerate failure in this Associat...
FOREIGN BRANDS: Overseas players to be marked
WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS? : Pundit muses on the she...
MARSH: MY TSUNAMI TERROR: Jungle star's revenge fears
LEGENDS AHOY: Pundit flicks the cobweb off a legend or two
PRINCE HARRY TO HEAD THE FIRM: Bothersome Prince to support ...
BERLUSCONI: MARCO GOALO: Il Duce reflects on derbies past
Oct (13)
ONLY JOL-KING: Sacked Spurs boss abused at work
QUALIF-LIARS!: British stars 'threw' games to avoid humiliat...
AVIATOR AID: Sacked pilot gets soccer sucker
COULD YOU SUPPORT A TEAM CALLED LEONARD?: Johnny resorts to ...
FANBAGGA: We take a tour of our hilarious new TV series
JOHNNY, JOHNNY, WHAT'S THE SCORE?: Pundit ponders peculiar p...
A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS: Pundit bewails the standard of ads...
ARISE SIR JOSE: Mourinho knighted ahead of World Cup joy
PERFECT PITCH: Farce-grass better than real thing, experts s...
FREDDIE MANSERVANT'S ODD SHAPED BALL: Rugby hack takes a wro...
BLATTER'S MASTER STROKE: Official: Football is art
TWENTY20 FOOTBALL: Soccer to nick another idea from cricket
Sep (15)
STUDENT GRANT: Blues boss too cool for skool
MOURNING MOURINHO: Johnny laments the passing of a sub-edito...
THE ON-HAND BAG: Makeover to capitalise on success of women'...
FERGIE'S SECRET SHAME: I WANT TO BE A LONDONER: We expose tr...
META-THERAPY: Union sets up metatarsal support group
MIDDLE CLASS RIP-OFF: FCs the new vogue for ABCs
BERLUSCONI: NONE SHALL SLEEP: Il Duce says goodbye to a lege...
KEANE MEANZ WINZ: Johnny and Co debate Roy
JOSE QUIT TRUTH: I'M NO LONGER HUMAN!: Special One evolves i...
BERLUSCONI: GET MOURINHO: Il Duce writes for the Onion Bag
NORTHERN COCK-UP: Fans queue up to strip assets of geordie g...
JOL: SACK JOL NOW: Former manager calls for Spurs boss's hea...
BROOKING TO RESTORE ENGLAND'S GLORY: BBC loves Brooking's an...
STOP THE CLOCKS: Johnny remembers a fortunate victory
THE MAN IN THE IRON MASKING AGENT: Shinawatra hides in plain...
Aug (15)
FERGUSON FIRES 'LIAR' SOLSKJAER: Sir Alex ditches striker ov...
THE GREAT DISALLOWED DEBATE: Might Have Beens by an Old Has ...
STYLES' COUNSEL: Ref reveals support in high places
BERLUSCONI: CURSE THE OLD SLAG: Il Duce writes for The Onion...
BREAKING WIND: Scientists fear Metatarsal injuries now airbo...
DIFFERENT CLASS...?: Johnny sorts the men from the boys
OFFICIAL: FOOTBALL IS GAY: Sport dismisses Brazilian claim t...
FOETAL ATTRACTION: United sign up wonderkid from ultrasound
DIRTY OLD TOON: Geordies live up to their billing
ROY OF THE REAPERS: Crazy Keane to cleanse team of WAGs
FAMILY CURSE: A fable of metatarsals and gypsies
JAMES ANKAMAN WAGS THE DOG: Keane not so keen on girls
BIG SAM, LITTLE SAM: Chaos at Reebok as managers interchange
FIFTEEN TO ONE: Bates flogs Leeds points deduction
FOOTBALL SAVES OUR LIVES AGAIN: Johnny ecstatic as new seaso...
Jul (16)
IRAQ'S EXPLOSIVE VICTORY: Larry Gak reports from Baghdad
DRIVING FORCE: Footballers and their cars
F1 TO N5: Emirates to get its own Grand Prix
GOODISON CHECKS OUT: Everton fans fear supermarket's investm...
DIRECTING TRAFFIC: Bag game a front for organised crime
FUTURE TENSE: Football season finale to be carried over for ...
JAMES ANKAMAN'S TOUR DE FIVE: Fading hack enters last chance...
EVIL PREMIERSHIP: Alternate universe to blame for football's...
MOORE MONEY: The new 'Bobby' to lighten the pockets of footb...
HARRY THE HAMMER: Boy wizard quits Hogwarts for the Boleyn
WHO OWNS JOHNNY PUNDIT?: Contractual wrangles of a fading wr...
GROOM WITH A VIEW: Facebook corrupting my boys, warns Fergus...
TAKING THE BISCUIT: The crucial importance of the half-time ...
RAC TO ELLAND ROAD: Roadside rescue firm to help Leeds start
CIGARETTE CARD BURNS: Soccer fag cards thrown on the fire
Jun (13)
CITY COUP: Tanks roll in to Eastlands
LONG DULL SUMMER: Johnny mourns the close season
CLIP SHOW OUTRAGE: Readers complain about lazy compilation '...
CREDIT CARBONS: Becks seeks sponsor for carbon footprint
ALL HAIL THE COMEBACK KID: Johnny P recalls his own comeback...
COPA CABANA: The hottest spot south of Havana
BLAMMERS: Blades and hammers to merge
PETER REID: MY MONKEE CHANT HELL: Reidy sympathises with U21...
BUNGA DIN: With apologies to Rudyard Kipling
BOOS CRUISE: Travel firm offers 'misery tours' to follow Eng...
CHEEKY FAKERS: Leeds fake their own death and still muck it ...
May (13)
BALLS, DASH AND PIFFLE: Kewell in big words book
OLD SWEATS AND YOUNG GUNS: Johnny P recalls his days as a 16...
ROMAN BUYS TERRIERS: Huddersfield under new ownership
A WEE SPOT OF BOTHER: Johnny P remembers a classic FA Cup Fi...
WARNOCK DEMANDS POINTS ADDITION: Blades boss wants to start ...
THE TWO FACES OF DAVE: Confused Whelan sues himself
MISSION IMPLAUSIBLE: Johnny P and the gang swap unlikely sto...
BERLUSCONI: BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS: Il Duce writes for T...
TOIL AND TROUBLE: The Scottish representative in hot water
PREMIERSHIP TO TAKE A BREAK: Golden tickets to takeover in 2...
'I DID WHAT I THOUGHT WAS RIGHT': Poll's emotional farewell
JAMES ANKAMAN'S GAZETTA DELLO BAGGIO: He thinks it's the 90s
CHELSEA OVERTAKE UNITED: Abramovich calls in administrators
Apr (17)
SAM QUIT TRUTH: HE JUST GOT TOO BIG: Expansive Allardyce too...
SAFETY CAR BROUGHT OUT IN TITLE RACE: Yellow flags after Che...
FINE, THANKS: Appeal could mean UEFA Cup for Hammers
BOARDROOM OF BLOOD: David Dein plots his revenge
THE FIGHTBACK THAT NEVER HAPPENED : The day Johnny forgot to...
COP OUT!: UEFA's anti-hooligan police doomed to failure
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT: Beeb set to give the game away
RALPH THE MOUTH FALLS SILENT: Pundit remembers one of the ul...
'66 CURSE STRIKES AGAIN: World Cup winners keep dying
WEIRD JAM DOMINO EFFECT: Johnny P recalls a memorable demise
BLAME IT ON RIO: Gun Tsar Ferdinand is ready
SHE'S THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB: Johnny steps aside for a la...
BEST THING EVER: Fans and media agree - Premiership is tops
SEVILLE DISOBEDIENCE: Wheelchair users 'evil' according to c...
GRIPPER COMES A CROPPER: How to make a pointless fixture int...
ANDORRA POST MATCH REACTION: Fans and the media on England
Mar (13)
ANDORRA SWEATERS: Minnows fill us with terror, says Terry
CUT LEFT NO THRUST: McClaren blames woes on Israeli immigrat...
GO COMMANDO: The Bag says drop your draws now
GRASS ROOTS FOOTBALL: Pundit remembers a gentleman of the tu...
ARCH ENEMIES: Squatters move in to new Wembley
DID MI6 GET ADEBAYOR SENT OFF?: Wenger wins right for public...
RADIO DAZE: Johnny remembers one of the early masters of rad...
FOOTBALL RUSHED TO HOSPITAL: Prognosis not good, foul play s...
STATUESQUE: Are you Milan in disguise?
MIND GAMES: Gloves off in mystic international battle
PREMIUM RATE PEARCE POLL PULLED: Phone vote scandal uncovere...
YOU'VE NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD: Pundit praises the new palaces ...
HAWK-EYE'S SUNDAY BEST: Pub teams to walk the thin goal line
Feb (16)
LAGER LOUTS: Kids just want to 'Belong'
MC JAZZY JEFF: Sky Sports' Stelling moves into the weddings ...
CARLING CUP CHAOS: Doctors report - Terry's head empty
KICKBACK VLADI WHACK: Old firm pays refs more than I do, gri...
NUMBER CRUNCHING: 'Take-away' jibe led to QPR punch-up
WATCHING THAT DIRTY SLAPPER SCORE: Slimworthy makes it count
CALCIO UNDER THE SUN: Serie seeks move to desert island
OWEN EATS ALL THE PIES: Exclusive: boy wonder faces uphill s...
HENRY'S RUN: Thierry must escape Arsenal or face renewal
CLUMPY WEAVES HIS MAGIC: Johnny drifts away in a drug-induce...
CHAS 'N' DAVE RISK ON THE RISE: Officials prepare for new si...
MEN IN BLACK: Pundit ponders the more authoritarian referee
BARTON'S BOOK BONANZA: I played for 10 minutes, here's my bo...
TEXAS OLDHAM: Manc clubs rush to cash in on Super Casino
FA'S BLUNDER-21S: Football Association clarify Under-21s man...
THE NAME'S THE THING: Johnny P gets indignant about The Orde...
Jan (15)
HOULT: WHO COMES THERE?: Sex tape sparks calls for greater u...
PONGO POPS HIS CLOGS: Johnny P mourns the passing of a legen...
IN THE GRID: Numbers commentary used for game of death
KEEP YOUR HAIR ON, JOHNNY: Johnny P loses his wig - again
GALAXY QUEST: Becks to put the star into Stars & Stripes
FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Johnny P recalls the heyday of the half-ti...
TRANSFER WINDOW SHOPPING: Clubs bemoan worst January sales e...
BENTLEY BRIGADE MOURN WRONG MAGNUSSON: Hammers have the wron...
PEARCE: I NEED TWO JOBS TO FUND TV SHOW: Psycho cop show hin...
IT AIN'T HALF HOT, DAN!: Teddy rebuilds bridges in the commu...
OFFSIDE RULE CHAOS BRINGS CHANGE: new rules introduced to ma...
ORION BAG ATTACKS: You may fire when ready
JOSE'S JOB FOR JOBS: Chelsea move for Apple boss
ASBO-LUTION: Scousers slap ban on terrorising kids
ONE GREAT BIG FACUP: Johnny P lambasts the boring old FA Cup...
2006 (190)
Dec (16)
THE GUNNER IN THE IRON MASK: Imposter assumes Arsenal star's...
ELLAND ROAD FOR THE CHOP: Leeds cuts down trees and wears hi...
THE GREEN WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS: A seasonal soccer panto to wa...
JOHNNY BAGS A GONG: Top Award for Johnny Pundit
CLARIDGE'S MILLENIUM BUG: Stat computers collapse on four fi...
GUESS WHO?: Players Scramble to Stake Place in Footy Boardg...
SWEET GEORGIA BROWN: Reds alley oop into the back of the net
UNSTABLE TIMETABLE: Wenger Warns of Winter Wipeout
FITBAH HUMBUG: Johnny P bemoans the Christmas fixture
FA CHRISTMAS PARTY RAID: Bung squad set to ruin festive fun
ROMAN TAKES CHARTS BY FORCE: Battle for Christmas No.1. Spic...
BERLUSCONI'S CHRISTMAS MESSAGE: Season's greetings from Il D...
CHELSEA V ARSENAL CLOCKWATCH: Live text updates from The Oni...
FORTY YARD SPECTACULAR: Johnny P takes a long shot
REFS STRIKE BACK: Militant officials linked to Wallwork stab...
SPIES LIKE THEM: Johnny P toddles in from the cold
Nov (18)
SOCCER STARS BONDAGE BETTING: Players gamble with slaves
GOOD MORNING BRENTFORD: Dyke appoints Rat at Griffin Park
BALL BOY BOTHERATION: Avoid Play at Any Cost Tactic Exposed
WE'RE ALL WASTING AWAY: Johnny P mourns the passing of the '...
WRAP UP WARM, CHAPS: Johnny P snuggles in for the winter
JIMMY'S SHOES: Comic strip strips stripping beauty queen of ...
NEVER KNOWINGLY UNDERPLAYED: Johnny P accepts a message from...
BECKS BOMB THREAT: Beckham trapped in Spain by anti-terror s...
WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD TIMES GONE?: Johnny P remembers the ...
THE MADNESS OF IAIN DOWIE: Fears grow for cuckoo coach
NEWELL'S GUIDE TO CHIVALRY: Essential advice for the modern ...
POLL MACHINE: It's a book, it's a TV show
FERGIE FISH FARCE: Thousands starve as Sir Alex bans shrimp
BECKHAM AND THE ALL STARS: The Greatest Show on Earth
COIN THROWERS FACE THE NOOSE: Lobbing cash a capital crime
20 YEARS OF FERG: The Onion Bag talks to Sir Alex
Oct (21)
ROMANOV: YOUR WOMEN ARE MINE: Bonkers Hearts chairman issues...
KICK JOHNNY P OUT OF FOOTBALL: Our columnist gets his wires ...
FRIGHT HART LANE: Jol turns team into zombie flesh eaters
EIGHT MILES HIGH: Johnny P excuses himself while he kisses t...
DEAD BIRD BLING: Murdered women are latest football accessor...
TOP PR FIRM TO ADOPT 3-5-2 : Tactical formation has image pr...
G14 TO BUILD DEATH STAR: Technological terror 'Good for game...
MAKE IT HARD FOR HOMOPHOBES: Putting the Bag on the gay bash...
NO RHYME OR REASON?: England Selection Crisis prompts new Po...
LIKE 'OSPITAL FOOD DO YER? : Johnny P laments the decline of...
BLADES BLUNTED: Players told to cut it out
RELEGATION TRAP DOOR WARNING: No way down for crap teams
JOSE V NHS: Special One to take on health chiefs
ENGLISH FOOTBALL IS A JOKE: Footy Stars Fight for Sitcom Pla...
HONEYMOON PERIODS FROM HELL: ABTA called in over holiday dis...
JOHNNY PUNDIT GETS THE CALL: More howlers overseas
QUEEN ORDERS MANAGER ROTATION: All change for home nation bo...
JOHNNY P IN OFFICIAL COMEBACK: Onion Bag Pundit Rejoins Club...
BARTON KINK: Public applaud heartfelt Sammy Nelson tribute
CARRY ON SCORING: Revealed: the lost carry on football film
Sep (15)
BETRAYED: Neville abandoned by 'No Mates' Beckham
BUNGS SINCE THE WAR: A tale of scurvy and satsumas
FEUD GLORIOUS FEUD: Johnny P counts out past 'differences of...
CROUCH OF MACCLESFIELD: Dutch name fad catches on
GRAY'S ANATHEMA: Misunderstood menu causes restaurant rumpus
BULLARD KNEE-CAPPED UP: Jimmy's kneecap still at large
GOTCHA!: New Falkland fears as Hammers sign Argie duo
MFI BUY HAMMERS: DIY world rocked by furniture sellers
FA ORDERS BAG SEARCH: If you find any cash it's ours say soc...
BALL BOY PROTECTION RACKET: A story of lost innocence
DON'T LEAVE ME THIS WAY: Hard rock hallelujah for Sven
COLE TO CHELSEA: I'M OFF: My job here is done says fly-by-n...
WHAT HAPPENS IF I PRESS THAT?: Johnny P boggles warily at th...
KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY...?: Johnny P investigates, with shock...
Aug (15)
THE ELBOW'S NOT FOR TURNING: Loyal Thatcherites rally around
KEANE SIGNS AT SUNDERLAND: but still has to go to rehab...
IT SHOULDN'T HAPPEN TO A VET : Johnny P helps the older play...
MCLAREN FASHIONS A NEW SQUAD: Players get a dressing down (a...
VIOLENT VICIOUS YOBS: Johnny P remembers fans in the old day...
NEW BAG GAME LAUNCH IN TROUBLE: Experts blame missing tiles
RED'S HAIFA GAME SWITCHED TO PALESTINE: Euro clash promises ...
JOHNNY PUNDIT MOURNS THE EARLY BATH: Our man from the 1950s ...
THATCHER ELBOW LODGED IN MENDES BRAIN: Only top brainiacs ca...
THE PICTURE OF OLE GUNNAR SOLSKJAER: Reds striker's fountain...
FA LINE UP PUPPET ROO : Corporate sell out has strings attac...
VAN DER MEYDE: MY HOUND HELL: Everton misfit blames troubles...
ENGLAND SKIPPER ELECTION RIGGED: Gerrardistas demand recount
JOHNNY P IS NOT A NUMBER: Our Man from the 1950s crunches so...
BBC DUMPS LOONY LINEKER: Sometime Mr Nice Guy goes off rails
Jul (18)
WHEN THE REFEREE'S WORD WAS LAW: Johnny P recalls the firm d...
FANS TO PREMIER LEAGUE: GET BACK TO WORK: WC flops told to g...
WIN A SERIE A PLAYER: One lucky reader must win a star footb...
BERLUSCONI: YOU'LL NEVER WALK AGAIN: Il duce writes for The ...
THAT'S THE SPIRIT: Zidane blames red card on ghost
ENGLAND FOOT CHOP SHOCK: McClaren reveals plan for Beckham's...
RONALDO TAKES OUT SCAPEGOAT INSURANCE: Portuguese meddler ge...
SVEN'S SUDOKO SLEAZE SHOCK: Soccer suckers for dull numbers ...
TATTOO'S COMPANY: Sidwell's tribute to dead midget
ZIDANE'S BLIND TERROR DATE: Zizou gets the Abi treatment
JOHNNY P EYES UP THE TALENT : Transfer gossip is rife in pu...
ASHLEY AND CHERYL MARRY ON THE MOON: Couple wed on swanky lu...
JOHNNY PUNDIT ON LETTING ONE GO: It's the hardest part of a ...
EURO(VISION) 2008 - THE NEW CAMPAIGN: Pop has-beens called i...
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT : ...and Johnny P fe...
SCOLARI KEEPS SVEN: Three time winner sets space on mantlepi...
THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH FROM YOU: Johnny P ponders the early exi...
Jun (13)
BECKS PUKES AND LEAVES: England skipper's wurst nightmare
JOHNNY P: I PLAYED WITH BOSOMS: Our very own 1950s pundit na...
ROONEY TO FART AGAINST SWEDEN: He may play too
HAM OFF THE BENCH : Henry Ham fills in for Johnny P
THE WORLD CUP: EASY, EASY...: Just for a change, Johnny P re...
ARSENAL FINANCE: Solve your cash problems with a no-cost loa...
KICK AND RUSSIAN: Johnny P comes in from the cold
WORLD CUP FACES THE AXE: Tournament no longer down with the ...
FIFA COKE SCANDAL: Official takes the Pepsi challenge
CONSPIRACY THEO-RY: World Cup round-up
TAXMAN NABS HAND OF GOD: Maradona short handed after Italian...
WEMBLEY CALLS IT A DAY: Showpiece stadium to be sold for scr...
May (20)
POSITIVE VIBES: It's cumming home
THEO'S DAD 'OFFERED OUT' BY IAN WRIGHT: 'How many caps did y...
ELTON'S BECKHAM SNUB: Star shuns World Cup bash in favour of...
JOHNNY PUNDIT'S LIPS ARE SEALED: He thinks its the 1950s
CALL HIM THELE: 17 year old wonderkid gets a brazilian
CUP MEMORIES AND ROYAL JUBBLIES: Johnny Pundit's World Of Fo...
BELGIAN SLEUTH TO HEAD POISON CASE: Spurs call in Master Det...
DREWERY DUTY: Shock England recall for Eileen
YOU'RE HIRED!: 'Apprentice' sorts out England boss row
CIVIL WAR LOOMS AFTER MIDLANDS COLLAPSE: Storm clouds gather...
FA BLOCK UNVEILING OF NEW ADDICKS BOSS: Dowie can only be an...
UP STETHOSCOPE: Johnny Pundit's World Of Football
EURO-SOCCER CELERY CAP GAFF: That's salary cap you idiot
CHUMPS LEAGUE: UEFA in turmoil as ref is pictured in Onion B...
ONION BAG WORLD CUP APPEAL: Help us find the new world cup
BERLUSCONI: THE ITALIAN EMPIRE WILL RISE AGAIN: Il Duce writ...
JOHNNY PUNDITS WORLD OF FOOTBALL: A quiet word of advice fro...
FAKE PHIL FOOLS FA: Barwick fobbed off with phoney Scolari
ONION BAG TO LAUNCH WORLD CUP SPECIAL: It's for the good of ...
Apr (13)
SHEARER QUIT TRUTH: I'M PREGNANT!: Knee scan reveals baby on...
JOHNNY PUNDIT'S WORLD OF FOOTBALL: He thinks it's the 1950s
AND DON'T COME BACK: Sunderland told they can't return
ROO-INED: Playground taunt lands Rooney in the red
PEARCE: I'LL RIP OUT PLAYER'S SPINES: Psycho killer qu'est q...
JOSE JELLY SWOOP: Chelsea boss aims to stop wobble
BEEB PUNDITS IN WALK OUT THREAT: Ex-Striker to lead strike
PARDEW PALACE FOOTAGE PILFERED: FA Cup Semi Final Round Up
GET STUFFED SHEARER: Taxidermists called in at the Toon
GILL: AIG QUOTE UNBEATABLE: Reds insurance quote better than...
APRIL FOLLIES: FA come clean over Wembley hoax
RED FACES AS NEW WEMBLEY IS WRONG WAY UP: Further delays lik...
Mar (13)
BRUCIE'S LUCKY NUMBER TEN: Brum boss says spank total's the ...
EXTREME MAKEOVER FOR CHELSEA: Champions to get an ideal home...
THE NAKED TRUTH: Curbs has to imagine FA with clothes on
LIVERPOOL DRUG TRIAL JOY: Rafa hails magic pills
PAPERBACK WRITER: Beatle Ghost Pens Roonography
RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY ON JOSE: Blues boss jostles and b...
BECKS: IT'S GOD'S WILL IF WE LOSE...: ... but my will if we ...
GARETH GOES TO HOLLYWOOD: Southgate set for sizzling second ...
NAZI 'SHAME' OF ENGLAND BASE: Baden Baden schloss once home ...
BLACK HOLE AT THE BERNABEU: Super-sized striker sinking side...
FANCY MESS PARTY: McCarthy plans big celebration for first t...
BERLUSCONI'S CASH FOR GAMES SCANDAL: Billionaire tyrant show...
Feb (14)
SMUDGER T-SHIRT SWEATSHOP SHAME: Child workers get nothing f...
LIFE ON ARSE: News of the World journo trying to get back to...
WOODGATE BANNED BY BUPA : Membership revoked after unprecede...
CHELSEA BEATING VIDEOED: Fury as brutal savaging caught on c...
MOURINHO PREDICTS HIS OWN DEATH: Special one knows when his ...
BEEB LAWRO CARTOON ROW : Auntie picketed by furious fanatics...
BIG PHIL'S FOUL MOUTH: Scolari set to wash his gob out with ...
FOOTBALL'S FAECAL FOLLY: Exposed: Soccer's sh*t stirrers
NO BORE JAW: MPs vote for full ban on 'bloking' in pubs
RA-RA-RASPUTIN: Lover of the Russian Queen picks team, from ...
DEAD MAN'S SHOES:
RICHES TO RAGS: Sol to give up football for fashion
BAG DOWN!: Website outage ignored by all
Jan (14)
GALLOWAY'S SECRET FA TALKS : BB big mouth ready for England ...
BIG SAM’S CUP SONG SHOCK: Trotters defy FA and record ...
ACHTUNG: DEATH FROM ABOVE: 'Der Englander' face filthy Hun m...
NEWELL SLAIN: Whistle blower blown away
JOSE DODGES DRAFT: Mourinho battles 'Robson translator' re-a...
BRUCIE'S BIG NIGHT: FA Cup 3rd round up
THE ONION BAGSKI: Oligarch puts Bag over his head
MAGIC OF THE CUP EXPOSED: Greatest cup competition is all s...
FOOTBALL'S CORRUPT SAYS TOP ENGLAND FAN : And Sven gets it i...
GIBBO: I'M FAKE SHEIK: Boro plot to pot Sven goes pop
ARSENE'S AFRICAN CAMPAIGN: Gunners chief blasts resistance
LUTON BLOCK 4TH ROUND DRAW: Sulky Milleners Refuse to Hand O...
'BORO SWITCH REPLAY TO BOROUGH: Ailing north-east club want ...
OWEN'S CORPSE FOOT: Dead man's peg to save World Cup dream
2005 (131)
Dec (9)
JINGLE BELLES: Wenger to play chicks against Doncaster
A BRUCEMAS CAROL: With apologies to Charles Dickens
MOTTY GETS EUROVISION GIG: Motson to take song contest over ...
REDKNAPP: IT WAS ALL A DREAM: FA declare Saints sojourn a ni...
SPACE CAPSULE FOUND BENEATH WEMBLEY: Flying saucer threaten...
VAN DER WHO?: Edwin stars as the next doctor
BLUE XMAS FOR SANTA: Premiership defences too much for St Ni...
GAZZA: NOT BONKERS ENOUGH: Psycho billy nutter needs to be m...
SPRINGER TO SETTLE SOUTH COAST SQUABBLE: Live TV debate to r...
Nov (11)
TRIBUTE FLOOD DISASTER: UK flooded by Best tributes
CRISIS OF CONFIDENCE FOR CROUCH: Tall guy at risk of being ...
KIDS BLAMED FOR KEANE EXIT: Charity bid sends Roy on his way
THE SWISS JOB: England squad in Nazi gold caper
DEAD IN A WEEK: Mourinho fears for life after Keane video
BEST REST MESS: Legend George nearly sent to glue factory
DEVIL ABANDONS UNITED: Satan calls time on deal with reds
ROY PLAYS THE DANE: Keane to star as soccer Hamlet
SKY WARS: Premier plans Battle Royale for TV rights
QUIT BUGGING ME: Fergie instigates massive bug hunt
WENGER: JOSE IS A KILLER: Voyeur Wenger saw it all from rear...
Oct (14)
BORO WAS UNITED'S 9/11: Millions grieve at Red carnage
PALACE ARE THE BEST TEAM IN EUROPE: If you are a Liverpool s...
FA ACT ON BIRD FLU SCARE: Panic as killer virus closes in on...
ROMAN'S 100 YEAR PLAN: Russian businessman to use Stalinist ...
O'LEARY FISTING SHOCK: Blues up in arms at Villa Boss
WOODGATE: THE PRISONER: Star defender held captive in '60's ...
QUALIFIED SUCCESS: Sven's tactics prove boring is best
BEST IN PEACE: Sad end for legend George
GUNNERS SHOW CORINTHIAN SPIRIT: Pires & Co do the honorable ...
GEORGE'S BURLEYSQUE HOUSE: News Briefs
GAZZA IN DOUBLE-O HEAVEN: Washed-up footballer is the next 0...
REF: GOD TOLD ME TO SEND OFF BECKS: Official claims devine i...
MARADONA: I'LL SAVE MOSS: Cheating argy pledges to save Kate...
Sep (11)
BORED STIFF: Shexy football pronounced dead at 4-5-1
ARSENE: GIVE US PINTS FOR GOALS: Gunners boss’s stagge...
HE'LL SAVE EVERY ONE OF US: Flash Beckham has 14 hours to sa...
CALL ME BECKHAM-BAUER: Becks set to be the new Kaiser
NO MINUTE'S SILENCE FOR KATRINA: Football's silent tribute t...
SVEN AND NANCY: New biopic to re-live England coach's rock '...
WARNOCK: BAN US NOW: Bosses call for blades to be banned
ROONEY RAGE IS 4-STAR SOLUTION: Teen's anger to replace petr...
SVEN-DOKU: The numbers game craze that's sweeping the nation
ORANGE WEDNESDAYS: Healy goal sparks trouble
OWEN OWEN GONE: Geordies scorch the earth for England ace
Aug (14)
COLLINA THE OPEL FRUIT : Super ref goes for the car
WALKER: QUEENS PARK RANGER: Chuck Norris steps into to prote...
BAG END: Soccer plot to stop satire
MOURINHO RENOUNCES VICTORY: Blues boss set to give points ba...
ZIDANE VOICE MYSTERY : Who persuaded French ace back into ac...
ENGLISH HOPES TURN TO ASHES: Test heroes targeted by Premier...
OWEN 'WILDERNESS' SHOCK: Pint-sized striker reveals he is ag...
JAMES: MY PREPARATION H(ELL): England keeper blames goofs on...
BANTAMS BUS STONED: Omnibus off its face
MISSION: INVISIBLE: Top English clubs plan for clear superio...
CARDIFF ARMS FARCE: FA book wrong stadium for cup final
CAMBRIDGE CHILD SUPPORT SCANDAL: Abbey Stadium is new satani...
COLIN LEE SACKED: Trouble at t'Millwall on the eve of new Ch...
Jul (11)
INTER SQUITTY: World fills pants just like Inter
BUMFIGHT!: Hobo World Cup leads to spate of illegal copycat...
SPL SALUTE SCOTTY: Dead Trek jock gets silent treatment
ARSENE WHINGER: Jose sticks the boot into Gunners boss agai...
PIMP MY SIDE: MTV comes to the rescue of premiership bosses
STEVIE G'S WEEK OF HELL: I just don't know what to do with m...
USA 'INVADE' FIFA RANKS: Americans better than England?
BARTON'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES: City bad boy turns celeb chef
CHELSEA SIGN SOCIALIST WORKERS PARTY: Blues baffled as Bridg...
TOON-TANIC: Newcastle Utd are sinking
GOING FOR GOLD: Woodward to lead Britons in 2012
Jun (5)
SOCCER STAR'S GHOST SHAGGERS: Court case reveal top players...
MOONSHINE UNITED: Glazer 'boys' plan to run moonshine acr...
LIFE ON THE COLE FACE: Sir Bob pushes for Chelsea contracts ...
EXPOSED: PLAYER FLY-TIPPING SCANDAL: Unwanted soccer players...
FOOTBALLERS' HUSBANDS: The men behind England's soccer heroi...
May (17)
WEST HAM RELEGATED: Pardew quits as unhappy hammers face ...
LUVVIEPOOL: Reds look to luvvies to save the day
GLAZER'S NAKED AMBITION: Red Devils catch Glazer with his p...
BERLUSCONI: WHY I DON'T FEAR REDS: Il Duce looks forward to...
MAN U FRACTURED: In-The-Red Devils reveal new asset strip
RAFA SNUB TO WAR VETS: Liverpool manager has own VE day
THE CARRAGHER EXPERIMENT: Benitez to field team of Carraghe...
BECKS TRIAL BY TELLY: Beckham plc to sell TV rights to Shut...
STARS RALLY TO SAVE CAMBRIDGE : Showbiz community stage fun...
DUDEK MIRACLE CURE: Liverpool keeper beats illness to win Eu...
GERMAN NECK TRICK: Lehmann: I broke my neck for the cup
SUPER-SIZED CITEH: Man City bought by American burger magna...
BAGGIES TROUSERED: Ford Capri Survival Sunday round up
BAG TRUCK EVACUATED: Security alert prompts poor headline
THE MOURINHO CODE: Mourinho's divinity predicted in art wor...
TOPSY-TURVY PREMIERSHIP: Invert the table, say FA bosses
JOSE NOSTRADAMUS: Mourinho predicts end of the World
Apr (10)
CROUCH TOO TALL FOR RELEGATION ROLLER-COASTER: Busy bodies ...
ROVERS OLD SCHOOL : Hughes' bruisers use public school meth...
INTER THE DRAGON: New cult of violence flares up
TOON PANTO AUDITIONS DESCEND INTO FARCE: Dyer and Bowyer du...
SHEARER DENIED RIGHT TO RETIRE: Choose football, Alan told
RIO'S FINAL TAP: Chelsea deny interest in everyone
FIFA TO FA: STOP THE BLUBBING: Football should not be a cry...
FOREST CAPTURE TROPHY: European Cup kidnapped by desperat...
POPE JOSE THE FIRST?: Mourinho to quit Chelsea for Vatican
TUNE IN TO PENNANTWATCH LIVE: Follow the movements of the j...
Mar (10)
JOE COLE: I'LL BE ENGLAND'S PATSY : Left-winger ready to be...
UEFA AND JOSE IN MID EAST PEACE ROW: Soccers latest intifad...
BLATTER: I'LL CRUSH REF STRIKE: FIFA kingpin to use scab la...
IRA: WE'LL KILL TROUBLEMAKERS : Terrorists offer UEFA solut...
WIGAN FACE PROMOTION BLOCK: Premier league not rugby leagu...
BRIT HACKS ANGER AT BECKS: Spanish paparazzi better than ho...
MERSEY TO GET WET: 200th game between Liverpool and Everton...
SAVAGE: I QUIT RUGBY: Welsh hardman has had his last ruck
CAN’T COACH, WON’T COACH: King Kev set to becom...
PRUTTON BANNED 10,000 TIMES: Southampton midfielder disap...
Feb (11)
GERRARD: MY BLUE HEAVEN: From our alternative reality corr...
CARROLL: I SOILED MYSELF: United keeper craps pants over ...
HIGHBURY 51: Wenger to field all alien squad
CROCK DOC NO GOOD FOR JOSE: Robben's quack walks (unlike Ro...
CHELSEA ROBOT PLAYERS PLAN: Mourinho brings in androids to ...
COLE: I'M LEAVING ARSENAL FOR BROADWAY: England full-back t...
WE'RE GUNNER RUIN YOU ALL: Secret plans reveal plot to le...
WMDS FOUND AT TURF MOOR: Deadly weapons thrown on pitch in ...
TORY PLAN FOR IMMIGRANT LEAGUE: Blue rinses get to grips wi...
REF ABUSE SCANDAL: The referee's a w**nker... if the price ...
Jan (8)
NEVER AGAIN: An evil that must never be repeated
SOMERSET WITCH BURNED: Yeovil Town pagan roasted alive afte...
GUNNERS KIT CHANGE REIGNITES FERGIE FEUD: Managers clash a...
FA ANNOUNCE SKY REF: Fourth estate to act as fourth offic...
UNCLE TOM'S CABIN FEVER: FA edit '66 final to include black...
MARSH MELLOW ON FUTURE: Disgraced pundit talks to the The O...
BATES TRICKED BY LEEDS BUY-OUT: Crusty millionaire outrag...
FERGIE SIGNS THE VIKING: Portly dart player to go between...
2004 (108)
Dec (5)
PALACE PUDDING SCANDAL: Reds rage as Palace players flog pu...
GERRARD SHOOTS FOR NI PEACE TALKS : Stevie can bring peace ...
IT'S WALTHER SCHMIDT: Onion Bag uncovers Nazi plot in Glasg...
GOALKEEPING FLU CONTINUES TO SPREAD: Premiership alarm at S...
PREMIER LEAGUE MANAGERS IN LOVE : Dowie and I can be more t...
Nov (12)
IT'S HARRY KIDNAP: Ex-manager moved for own safety
PUTIN DECLARES BLUES CHAMPS: Russian Prez says Chelsea ha...
BACK-TO-BASICS TRAINING SESSION ENDS IN FILTHY FARCE: Sven...
GLAZER: I'LL SELL FERGUSON OFF FOR PARTS: United boss brai...
CHAOS AS MANAGERIAL MERRY-GO-ROUND BREAKS DOWN: Clubs futu...
CRISIS OVER AT THE LANE: Spurs chiefs' relief as mediocrity...
CLIFF'S FA NUMBER ONE: Peter Pan of Pop moves to Soho Squ...
SPANIARDS FLOWN IN AS FOX HUNTING BAN BEGINS: Punishment ...
GUNNERS AND SPURS PARTY ON IN FALLUJAH: North London giants ...
MELLOW YELLOW: New ball heals rift between giants
ONION BAG IMPLICATED IN SANTINI QUIT ROW: Satirical websit...
NEW BIN LADEN THREAT: New video challenges Premiership hege...
Oct (11)
GUNNERS STAY UNBEATEN DESPITE DEFEAT: Wenger preserves run a...
GAZZA: MY ANTI-GLOBALISATION HELL: Former England star houn...
QUEEN'S EYE FOR THE REDS' PIE: Her majesty's chances are "g...
ROBSON: HELP! I AM STEVE BRUCE: Looney toon in "Face/Off" c...
ALAN GREEN IS THE NEW BIG RON: BBC commentator poached by I...
MADRID'S G-ROO-SOME PLOT: Real plot to swap Owen with Roo
JOHNSON CELEBRATION ANGERS VATICAN: Palace hitman in troubl...
THE MANCUNIAN CANDIDATE: Star Rooney brainwashed to assassi...
BECKS: I'M BAD TO THE BONE: Re-worked soccer ace set to dit...
CRITICS OUTRAGE AT SPURS DEFENSE: Spurs strategy just anoth...
COMEDY DUO GIVE PALACE FIRST WIN: Legendary TV comedians he...
Sep (7)
SHOO BARRY DAVIES: Veteran commentator calls it a day
FOX HUNTERS FIGHT FOR SAVAGE: They don't understand our way...
CHANGING BRAINS: Weekend's matches suffered altered states
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE KIDDING MR WOODWARD?: You have bee...
RIO'S FUTURE SHOCK: Unfrozen Ferdy says life's a drag in 20...
NO RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT: Sven's boys on pay as you say co...
JAMES GOES MISSING IN VIENNA: Nonchalance ensues as the goa...
Aug (10)
LOONY TOON ROBSON LOSES DRESSING ROOM: We even checked behi...
SOUTHAMPTON: THE CURSED CLUB: Sacked Saints boss blames voo...
ROBSON: I'M STILL ENGLAND BOSS: English knight still thinks ...
DES LIVES: 'The Premiership' goes on thanks to internet ner...
VULCAN UNCONVINCED BY SIR ALEX LOGIC: Special report: Insid...
FERGIE'S TIME MACHINE EXTENDS WINDOW: Roo switch will go ah...
LYNAM THE CROSS DRESSER: TV Des wants to go back on TV
FIFA BAN GOALS: Two strikes and you're out, say soccer chie...
FA SEX ROMP SENSATION: National obsession with Sven's cock ...
SCOOPED!: Bag thwarted in dobbing fiasco
Jul (8)
TRUTH ABOUT BECKHAM INTRUDER REVEALED: Anxious Nancy was tr...
OSAMA EYES MK: al Quaeda and Gaddafi form soccer's superleag...
PARLOUR IN LESS MONEY THAN SENSE SHOCK: Friends of Arsenal ...
REF RAGES AT HORSE HEAD IN BED: Bag man for the chop
VIEIRA BUYS SPANISH: Arsenal ace remains tight (lipped) tho...
NOADES SWOOPS FOR MARVEL-LOUS STAN: Brentford boss makes su...
PITCH NUTTER IN BETTING SCANDAL: Fake betting slips sold on ...
ENGLAND VICTORY PLANS THWARTED: More horseplay in the box f...
Jun (13)
WAYNE ROONEY DIES: A nation mourns as teenage sensation pass...
BRONZE GOAL TOO LATE FOR SVEN: New UEFA rule would have save...
AZZURI FURY: It's a SCAMdanavian plot say Italian bosses
SPANISH STARS TRAPPED IN BAG: Innocent jibe turns into Greek...
REVEALED: ENGLAND TO PULL OUT OF EUROPE: It's not like we'd ...
REALITY TV COMES TO FOOTBALL: Hells Lisbon set to be summer ...
PALACE FANS DETAINED: New anti hooligan laws wreak havoc on ...
BECKHAM VOTED PLAYER OF THE TOURNAMENT: England captain gets...
CAPTAIN KIRK'S RAGE OVER GERMANY EXIT: Star Trek star's biza...
UEFA CALLS IN ADDING UP EXPERTS: UEFA brainiacs struggle wit...
EURO CHIEFS APPOINT SPIT TSAR: Greenies and Grollys have no ...
FOOTBALL LEAGUE OPTS FOR DAFT NAME: New League Names As Worl...
MOURINHO: I'M BIGGER THAN JESUS: And if you don't like it yo...
May (9)
FA CUP STOLEN!: Famous competition swiped while stadium slee...
I'LL GET MY DAD ONTO YOU!: Pompey chairman raises the stakes...
SHEPHERD: HELP! WE CAN'T SACK ROBSON: He's got me under some...
DIRTY SVEN CAUGHT ON CAMERA: He exposes tactics to unmarried...
FA RELIEF AS WIGAN AVOID PLAY OFFS: Natiowide round-up
WILD GEESE HIRED AS SECURITY FOR SOUTH AFRICA WORLD CUP: FIF...
WENGER BEMOANS CURSE OF IMMORTALITY: Its a kind of magic say...
HATS OFF TO THE HUN: The Onion Bag big up the Bosch
SECRET UEFA MINGER DIRECTIVE: UEFA chiefs like to bang one o...
Apr (7)
BIG RON'S 'F**KING LAZY THICK SHOW': Big Ron Chat Set To Be...
NEVILLE: I'VE SHAGGED BIRDS TOO, HONEST: United defender den...
BECKHAM IN MORE TEXT SCANDALS: Beckham in more hot water wit...
CLUB VS COUNTRY CRISIS AVERTED: High budget stars to get low...
RONDINGO: Mister Ron, he be good to us, Sah
FERGIE'S FEAR FOR BRADFORD'S ROBBO: Brassic Bantam's boss of...
CUPS FACE AXE AS FAVOURITES GET CHOP: FIFA set to cancel ma...
Mar (12)
EXPOSED: EX SOCCER STARS IN DOLE CHEAT RING: An Onion Bag Sp...
RIO'S DIRTY PROTEST: The longer lasting story
LEICESTER THREE'S JAIL HELL REVEALED: They made us wear 'Ge...
STRAPPED JOCKS SELL CUP ON EBAY: At last the wee bairns can...
THAT BATES COLUMN IN FULL
ARISTIDE DENIES LEEDS TAKEOVER: I'm on hiatus says former H...
KENYON SURVIVES AQUATIC CALAMITY: The real story of Sven's t...
KENNEDY SCOTCHES BLUES TALKS: I never spent the night under...
FOURTH PLACE TO GO DOWN: It's four and out, say FA chiefs
REVEALED: WHY KEN JUMPED OFF THE BRIDGE: Blues outraged by ...
COLLYMORE FRONTS NEW DOG SHOW: Football's top Dogger lands ...
UNITED'S BRITTLE CONSPIRACY: Wrong kind of awareness say ac...
Feb (8)
TOTTENHAM IN GOAL CAP RAP: Spurs face points deduction over...
EXCLUSIVE: THE SECRET DIARY OF IAN WALKER: The Shocking, Mi...
DEFENDERS THREATEN WALK OUT OVER OFFSIDE RULE: Dispute puts...
HUTTON TO PROBE 99 RED BALLOONS: Sky's Man of the year to h...
LOWE: HODDLE NOT THE MAN HE WAS : Klingons off the starboar...
FOWLER IN CLONE SHOCK: It's Alive! Says City Boss
CHELSEA BUY ENTIRE POPULATION OF BELGIUM: News in brief
CAF DENIES DODGY GOAL COUNTING: Officials say no to goal re...
Jan (6)
FERGIE'S FENCE FARCE: Reds Boss Denies Cobbling Cobblers
SAHA REGRETS 'ANTI-FAYED' RANT : Now I know how Kilroy feels...
KANOUTE BEHIND BARS: Yanks in anti Mali melee
CROWE LINKED TO TOON FLICK: Russell is Robson, say Tinsel T...
SAINT STRACHAN GETS HUMP OVER NO HARUMPH AWARD: I guess I'm...
RANIERI: OUR REFS CAN LEARN A LOT FROM DARTS: Arrows offici...
2003 (51)
Dec (13)
CRISIS IN FA AS TRANSFER WINDOW FAILS TO OPEN
OUTRAGE AS RIO GETS EIGHT MONTH HOLIDAY: Call that a punish...
T'WAS THE SATURDAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS...: ... and all of West...
CLUBS DEADLOCKED OVER CHAMPIONS LEAGUE CONSTITUTION: Jeux S...
CONSORTIUM OF THE DAMNED TO TAKE OVER AT LEEDS
JOHNSON DENIES LINK WITH SUPERVILLAIN: Criminal Mastermind ...
LOWE: HANDS OFF OUR TEA
REDKNAPP TO CANCEL EVERYTHING: Ebeneezer good says Pompey b...
NEW PALACE BOSS WAS ONCE HANDSOME PRINCE
FORMER HAIRCUT 100 STAR TAKES CONTROL AT MOLINEUX: New in b...
CHELSEA TO CLONE PELE
'OULLIER TO JOIN FAME ACADEMY
BROOKING IS THE NEW POPE OF FOOTBALL: Hammers legend to don...
Nov (12)
ABRAMOVICH: I NEARLY BOUGHT WALES
LATVERIA - THE NEW POWER IN FOOTBALL: A special report on h...
ROBSON ON THE STREETS: Former England Legend, now a hobo
COTTAGER BONKERS, SAYS SHRINK
WENGER: WE ARE THE MASTERS OF YOU ALL
HOCKEY CLUB JOINS FOOTBALL LEAGUE
HORSE TO SUE MAN U
CIA DROPPED SMITH: Either you do it or we will, FA told
BEATTIE CALL-UP 'GENUINE MISTAKE'
ONION BAG JOINS JIHAD
WILKO SET TO BRING FOG ON THE TYNE: Toon board to respond t...
THAI BILLIONAIRE IN COTTAGING RUMOUR
Oct (4)
FERGUSON DENIES TAKING A HARD LINE OF DRUGS
OWEN 'LET DOWN' BY LACK OF MEDIA SPOTLIGHT
ALPAY - THE FACE OF EVIL
EXPOSED: ROQUE JUNIOR IS AFROMAN
Sep (6)
UN CONDEMNS ARSENAL
SVEN: SAVE YOUR PRECIOUS RAGE FOR THE TURKS
KENYON DENIES GODFATHER STYLE TALKS: News in Briefs
HOULLIER: SOUNESS DROWNS KITTENS
COUNTY'S SURVIVAL HOPES REST ON MISSING BALL
BECKHAM: FERGIE TOLD ME 'THIS SHIRT'S TOO BIG FOR YOU SON': ...
Aug (7)
ROEDER: THERE WAS A SPIDER IN THE DRESSING ROOM:
BLATTER WANTS MORE PLAYERS OFF: Red cards good for the game...
WENGER SWOOPS FOR EXISTING PLAYERS
REDS IN DODGY KIT SCANDAL
THE FERGIE DIALOGUES
US CONCERN WITH GAZZA'S AL JAZEIRA TALKS: News in Briefs
DI CANIO: I HAD OFFERS FROM OTHER CLUBS...HONEST : News in ...
Jul (3)
ERIKSSON IN CHEESE AND ONION SCANDAL
CHECHEN REBELS TAKE OVER AT THE COTTAGE
FERGUSON TOO BORED TO SIGN RONALDINHO
Jun (3)
RUBBISH COMIC IN TOP HATTERS CRASH
BLAIR WANTS TO MANAGE REAL
BECKHAM SIGNS FOR MILTON KEYNES AND LUTON
May (3)
WARNOCK: YOU'LL ALL SUFFER MY WRATH: Play Off Special
ARSENE: WE ARE THE BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD... EVER: FA Cup S...
RIDSDALE ACCUSED OF SPENDING MONEY ON PLAYERS
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